For the past week, I’ve been doing this thing where I read old posts. Not old posts on work things, but personal blog posts. Across the web, like a virtual office strewn with coffee ringed papers, I have content I’ve been saving for myself off and on. A lot of these breadcrumbs were not written deliberately for me to revisit, I simply wrote them at the time because it’s how I felt. I don’t do much of this anymore, because it seems passé to write longform blog posts ranting your feelings.
What’s been interesting about going back and revisiting the past, is the assurance I take from understanding my journey at the time and what was ahead of me. It feels like a long time ago and at the same time, it feels very recent. Thinking about that context, makes me start to realize that the next 4-5 years will look and perhaps feel very different than what life right now feels like.
It’s easy in the midst of frustrations, to feel like things are permanent. Getting a sense of perspective is especially difficult when you move a lot, because the people in your world only have a sense of your immediate life and not the roads you took to get where you are now. Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot of about mindfulness and arranging my life in ways to stay present with what’s happening now.
Going back and reading my archives has helped immensely, because it allows me a chance to reflect on thins that no one else would know. I can conjure memories of complexities and thinking aloud how I would get from whatever space I was in, to the next stage of my life. I can recall often feeling marooned and plain-old stuck. Reminding myself to be grateful for the progress and the process has been instructive.
1. Curbing my social media usage
The post-Trump world of Twitter is surely a mental drain. I just haven’t been as engaged to participate. Not only about politics, just about anything really. I can recall feeling like for a long time, the only true friends I had were living in other places and I’d use the web as an excuse to communicate with them since it didn’t feel like at times the people in my everyday life really “got” me. I realized over time, the problem wasn’t the people, it was me.
Cutting back my usage has been helpful, though I backslide. Instead of feeling like I need to post a photo everytime something happens, I’ll sometimes take a picture and record it later. I’m also more judicious about what I share. For a long time, I didn’t really have much to post about, so I think there was a long period of time where I felt really good to have things to share and would share EVERYTHING. I’m over it, now.
2. Please Remember Rule #6
Don’t take yourself so seriously.
3. Defining discipline for yourself
Maybe it’s the fact that I spent four years in the Air Force that makes me view the idea of “discipline” as something hard-faced, stoic and downright painful. In reflecting on my challenges with the notion of discipline, I’ve had to interpret my own notions of what discipline means for me and how to configure a life where discipline dictates the parameters of things I’ll do and won’t do. For instance, I’ve never been drunk. It’s not because I want a medal for it, I just can’t bring myself to drink anything to excess. That’d discipline, but I never thought of it that way before.
4. Being a contribution
Instead of spending days wondering precisely what will happen, I approach days with a question, “How Will I Be A Contribution Today?” I’ve long been mindful of contributing, I’d just never put it into those terms before.
Reflecting has brought me full circle with my past. I think there’s still a strong element of figuring out where the future leads and how to trudge that road. But knowing how you got where you are, has a lot of value for orienteering your way to the next port.